Letters
by EveryStringAttached
Summary: Jenny didn't die the way she did in Judgement Day. These are her letters to the team. COMPLETE.
1. Tony

_Tony,_

_Where do I start?_

_When I first met you, you were hurting, grieving for Kate, and now I'm gone, I fear I've left you hurting, grieving for a love you've lost. I'm writing this to tell you some things I feel I need to tell you._

_In the three years I've worked with you I've seen you change, and all for the better. Professionally, you have excelled, to the point you were recommended for a promotion. This brings me to how much you've developed as a person. You declined that position, and I know it was because of your loyalty to Gibbs. Never doubt that he doesn't believe in you as much as you do in him, no matter what he says._

_The Tony I met three years ago, would never have attempted the undercover mission with me, and so many times I have regretted that our personal relationship improved to such a point that you became a trusted friend, that you did accept the mission, because I know how much it cost you._

_It was more than I should have asked for, and yet you just seemed to take it all in your stride. I know it was hard and that it hurt when it was all over, but I never saw resentment in your eyes. I want to thank you again for agreeing to that. I am eternally grateful._

_I also want to apologise for not telling you about my illness. I don't want you to think that I kept it from you to shut you out. I needed to deal with it in my own way, and that meant not telling anyone, not even Gibbs._

_I have a favour to ask of you, now I've gone. Don't let Gibbs blame himself, for anything, even though none of this is anyone's fault. He'll find a way to put the blame on himself. You're the person who'll be able to snap him out of it. So please, look out for him (but don't tell him I asked you)_

_I'm not really sure of what else to write, I just know that by the time you read this I'll be gone and Vance will probably be in charge. Don't let him bully you._

_Go easy on McGee, give Abby a hug and let her know that she's appreciated and be there for Ziva when she needs to talk._

_Jenny _

_x_


	2. Ziva

_Ziva,_

_There's not many people I can say have truly had my life in their hands, but you Ziva, are one of them. I bet you're angry right now, that I kept this secret from you, after everything we've been through, but you have to try and understand why I did it. It was just something I had to deal with myself, and I'm hoping that this letter will make up for some of the things I didn't say._

_It was hard for you, when you first came here. You didn't let it show, but I still knew. You took it all, from Tony, Abby, Gibbs, and all the while you were struggling with your own grief, while you were letting them take theirs out on you._

_But I think, if it's at all possible, you've become an even stronger person than you were before. You've formed relationships, and learned to trust again. Not that I ever doubted the trust we had in each other. That never faltered._

_I know we never spoke much about Cairo, and everything that happened but I feel that I have to tell you now, I wish we had. I know it was easier to forget it ever happened, but recently I've been thinking about it more and more, and I realize that I haven't even begun to let it go and I've run out of time. You have the rest of your life, don't let it be a burden on you. You have friends you can talk to, friends you can trust. Lean on someone else for a change and don't be afraid to cry, just because you're not always being strong doesn't make you weak. It makes you human, and we are all human Ziva._

_You are an asset to Gibbs' team and don't ever think he trusts you any less than the other, because I know it's always in the back of your mind and it bothers you. You've earned his trust and you deserve to know it. _

_You're a wonderful person, and you've been a wonderful friend. If you open your heart just a little bit more, I know you'll find someone who can make you happy. Live for that Ziva. _

_Shalom,_

_Jenny _

_xx_


	3. Abby

_Abby,_

_I'm betting you're one of the least surprised when you hear about my illness. I mean it was you who ran those samples after all. You're clever, and your probably put 2 and 2 together and came up with the right answer. Ducky and I never meant to deceive you, it was just something I had to deal with alone, and hopefully you can understand why I dealt with it the way I did._

_I'm sorry._

_I know that we had our differences in the past, but after we got past our initial difficulties, I came to see how special you are. You are one of the most intelligent, determined and hard working people I've ever met and your fierce loyalty is what I admire the most about you._

_You are the glue for Gibbs' team and a lot of the time they'd be lost without you. Sometimes it may feel that you're not appreciated in that lab all day while they're in the field, but that is absolutely not true. Tony adores you and would never let anyone hurt you, Gibbs considers you like a daughter and Ziva, I know she's lucky to have found a friend in you._

_You Abby, in your black lipstick and spikes always managed to make me, and everyone else smile. You're NCIS's caffeine saturated ray of sunshine and I know that you often make a lot of peoples days go much easier._

_Especially Agent McGee's. I've seen the way he looks at you, so my advice would be to go for it, if that's what you want. Forget about Gibbs' rule 12. Even he can't stop something that's meant to be._

_And while I'm here, there's just a couple more things I'm going to say…_

_Play your music as loud as you want, never stop wearing those platform heels, and give as much stick to the new director as you gave to me. If not more. And talk to McGee._

_Madame Director _

_x_


	4. McGee

_McGee,_

_I've written 3 apologies for not telling people about my illness now and I fear that I'm starting to sound like a robot. I'm sorry if I do, I'm tired and I have to get these done. I have to explain. But I'm sorry anyway. I'm sorry you found out after the fact._

_In the 3 years I've been Director I haven't worked with you as much as I may have done with the other agents but don't think for a moment that I haven't appreciated the effort and hard work you've put in over the years._

_Even though I may have been watching from the sidelines I've seen you grow so much, you're a wonderfully able agent and incredibly gifted. You are an invaluable asset not only to Gibbs' team but the whole of NCIS, and I am extremely proud to have worked with you._

_I know that Tony still calls you 'probie', but you've definitely outgrown the nickname (although I think he uses it in a different manner now to when he first started using it) and even when he's playing yet another prank on you, I want you to know that he does value you, not only as a fellow agent but as a friend. Gibbs might not show much very often, but his heart is in the right place and I know he has complete trust in you. And Ziva, I think you know by now that she's a little closed up, but I know she appreciates when you gave her a chance those first few days at NCIS._

_Of all of the things I've noticed over the past 3 years one of the ones that stands out most is your relationship with a certain dark haired scientist. It seems to be on hold, and I think you need to do something about it. I know being forward probably isn't your strongest point, but I know that she likes you too, so don't worry about being knocked back, you're too good a catch for her. I think she just needs to give it little thought._

_Don't keep putting it off, you never know how much tim eyou have left, talk to her Tim, and never underestimate the power of words._

_Jenny Shepard_

x


	5. Gibbs

Jethro,

_Jethro,_

_I know right now you are wondering why I kept this a secret. I had to, I know I've hurt you by not telling you, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't tell anyone. Don't be mad at Ducky it's really not his fault, I ordered him to keep quiet, and it was so hard on him to keep it from everyone, espcecially you. _

_For such a long time I've had so much to say to you Jethro, but I've never really been able to find the words. Even now, I'm struggling to write it down. So maybe I'll get straight to the point._

_I've always loved you, in one way or another, and maybe you were only __**in**__ love with me for a short time, but I've always regarded you my truest and dearest, most loved friend. And you always knew how to read me. No other man ever has ever been able to do that._

_You've always had an uncanny way of making me feel needed, wanted and I've never felt anything as special as when we were in Paris. It was a mission that nearly cost us our lives yet added so much more to them. So much more Jethro._

_Now that I know the time I have left it's easier to look back on things, easier to come to terms with things I haven't done, things that we never did, but as I am, I'm realising that I have no regrets. No one regret for knowing you, and for being with you or being our friend, I was blessed to have known you, and I really hope you know that._

_You are an amazing person, I've seen the way your team look up to you, despite you being their boss, you're like a surrogate father to them all, even Ziva. You command respect but also give it, and you're the most noble person I think I've ever met._

_The world is lucky it has you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs._

_There's not much more I can put in this letter to you, except maybe,_

_Keep building your boats, lay off the head slapping a little, get on with living your life, and spend a little more time with Hollis. I think she might be good for you._

_We'll always have the past Jethro, but you have a future, grab it with both hands and find out how good life can be._

_Love,_

_Jen x_


	6. Reactions

_A/N- I know some people have been waiting for Ducky's letter from Jen, but I just couldn't fit it in with where I wanted this to go. I have a companion piece in mind for this, in which Ducky does get his letter. So I haven't left him out, my brain just didn't fit him into this fic. A big thank you to everyone who's reviewed :) It means a lot :)_

* * *

Tony wiped away a tear from his cheek and folded the letter, putting it back into the envelope. He rose slowly from the sofa and placed the envelope on his desk. He paused and thought for a minute, then picked up the phone.

The moment Ziva realised she was crying the tears started to come harder and faster. The letter was tightly balled in her fist, as if squeezing it would make the tears stop. The shrill noise of the phone ringing made her jump and she sighed.

"Ziva," Tony said tentatively into the phone as he heard the click of it being answered, "Hello," he tried again, when he got no answer.

Ziva found herself unable to speak, instead a broken sob was all she could offer Tony as an answer.

Tony frowned at the noise then realised Ziva was crying, his mind flashed quickly back to Jenny's letter.

"I'm coming over Ziva okay," he told her, and he got a quiet, "Okay" in return.

* * *

Abby let two or three tears slip down her cheeks before she smiled. She read the letter again, shaking her head she chuckled through her tears. "You are so right Madame Director," she commented out loud. Slipping the letter into her pocket, she pulled on her coat and headed for the door.

McGee felt tears prick his eyes, yet he didn't cry. He contemplated the content of the letter and felt a swell of pride. Then he realised something, the director really did make a lot of sense. He nodded his head as if to confirm something to himself, then walked to his front door.

Abby was about to knock at McGee's door, when to her surprise, it swung open, and she was face to face with McGee.

"I need to talk to you," they said in unison, and McGee stepped aside to let Abby in.

"I got a letter," Abby said, pulling the folded piece of paper from her pocket.

"So did I," McGee added, holding up the letter he still held in his hand.

They both smiled, and Abby took McGee's hand as they sat down on the sofa.

* * *

Gibbs sat alone in his basement, and took another sip of his coffee as he folded the letter back up and took a moment to press the folded paper to his nose, it smelt like her. He put it down next to an old photo of Jen he had taken in Paris.

"I always loved you Jen," he whispered softly, picking up the worn print and studying the picture.

The time they had spent in Paris had been one of the most dangerous, but one of the best times of his life. Other than what he'd had with Shannon, no other woman ever made him feel as complete as Jen. Not even Hollis.

He placed the picture down on the workbench, determined not to dwell on what he could have had and tried to be grateful for what he did have. He picked up a sander, and started working on the frame of his newest boat.

A thought suddenly struck him and he stopped. Rummaging in a pile of wood, in the corner he found a piece just the right size. Picking up a chisel, he set to work and soon enough a perfect letter 'J' was carved on the wood. A single tear splashed onto the wood, but he did not stop. Instead moved on to the next letter and continued carving.

* * *

_A/N- This ones complete, it was a little weird for me, a different style, but oh well, it's not a bad thing to experiment is it? hehe._

_Please R and R_

_LeA_


End file.
